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Astagarphaloff
Story Origins Astagarphaloff was born to the East Tribe of Barbaria, the Bardbariens in the year 5559. His father, Esdesdnesdr once protected the village from a dangerous beast and in tern they provided him with an orgy. Astagarphaloff was the product of that. After the orgy Esdesdnesdr left town for good and growing up Astagarphaloff never knew his father. Astagarphaloff was born with bright ginger hair. Because of this he was bullied by the other bardbariens because they were all dirty blondes. In the year 5580 Astagarphaloff left the Bardbariens in search for his father. A few months after his departure the opposing Weast Tribe invaded the East and enslaved his people. He would never see Barbaria again. During his sail to the mainland he was struck by a terrible storm. This destroyed his small ship and he was going to drown, but was saved by an otherwordly force. In return for the saviour of his life he was branded with The Sign of the Warbless. He woke up on a beach in the lands of Kinky with no sign of his former ship. The Mainland Astagarphaloff floated aimlessly for a couple of years until 5581. There he was raided by a group of goblins. He defended himself from all but a 2 year old young goblin. He adopted the goblin and named him Boniatrix. In 5582 he he met The Warrior Deux. Roland, the rogue of the party had attempted to ambush him and steal his goods but Astagarphaloff smashed him on the head with his club. Impressed with his brute strength, Ira Laporum reqruited him to the team. Together the 3 of them went on many adventures. Astagarphaloff learned of "Bullshit Mountain" from a diranged half-demon dictator who was quickly regicided. After many adventures, Astagarphaloff retired to life as a simple farmer at a small town at the bottom of Bullshit Mountain in 5584. His daughter, Monstrolinacus was born in 5585. Sadly, he left his daughter (much like his father) at a young age, as his Sign of the Warbless started burning. He knew he had to continue his quest up Bullshit Mountain, or else he could potentially die. He left his family in 5587. Bullshit Mountain Astagarphaloff started travelling up Bullshit Mountain in 5587. He had to conquer the 3 trials of Bullshit Mountain. He had to convince the Head of Bullshit Mountain that he was worthy, Beat the Wizard of Bullshit Mountain in a duel and Outsmart the Lizard of Bullshit Mountain to get past. The Head of Bullshit Mountain Towards the bottom of Bullshit Mountain, there was a large gate and a pedistal which sat a severed head. This severed head spoke to people through their minds. Astagarphaloff met this head early on in his adventure. It asked him why is he worthy of venturing up Bullshit Mountain? Astagarphaloff responded by thumping it until it let him pass. This was around 1 year into his journey up the mountain. (5588) The Wizard of Bullshit Mountain In the year 5594, Astagarphaloff came across a large ravine. He befriended the local giants to help him across if in return he rids the mountain of a terrible hermit that has been terrorizing it for centuries, Diogenes the Racist Wizard. Astagarphaloff met the wizard atop Crinkshire Castle where he was challenged to a duel. This was clearly mean Astagarphaloff's doom as he didnt know any magic. Instead, he managed to accidently defeat Diogenes by holding up a silver plate to protect himself from an incoming attack, bouncing it back at him, turning him to smoke. The only thing that he could see left of him was a strange crystal ball which Astagarphaloff pocketed for himself. He would used this ball to see how his friends were coping in the outside world. After telling the giants of his feets they let him across. A demi-giant named Pinky decided to join him in his quest to keep him company. The Lizard of Bullshit Mountain In the year 5599 Astagarphaloff and Pinky were met by an opponent called Obbay. Obbay was a lizard man who saw Bullshit Mountain as his property. When he saw Astagarphaloff tresspassing, he stated that he would only let him pass if he beat him in a game of cards. Astagarphaloff declined his offer and him and Pinky proceeded to beat him up with blunt objects, as nobody was going to stop Astagarphaloff from getting to the top of this mountain at this point. He left Obbay in the snow with broken limbs, only for his bird wife to take him and bring him back to his cabin. Astagarphaloff continued to climb the mountain alongside Pinky. Obtaining Omasthey In 5601, Astagarphaloff and Pinky finally split ways. Pinky thought that Astagarphaloff had changed as a person since they first met and decided to leave him, though he still did respect him. Because why Pinky left Astagarphaloff started to get into meditating to quench his vast rage. Over the course of a few months Astagarphaloff learned how to contact the Spirit Realm, in which he could navigate but only with his eyes closed. On a spiritual journey in the Spirit Realm Astagarphaloff came across a sword on a snowy hill. It was labelled "Omasthey, destroyer of gods". This wasCategory:Characters